"you can quit tomorrow"
This is something I say to myself when things get tough. When I want to throw in the towel or give up. When things are bad and I'm not feeling it and all I want to do is escape it all. Go to woods, turn off all technology and just be. I tell myself I can quit tomorrow. I give myself permission to quit if tomorrow, first thing in the morning, things are still this bleak, this tough, this bad. If I wake up and I feel like I still cannot handle it then I'll quit, maybe e I'll even run away.
Yesterday I had one of those days. I didn't sleep well, my workout seemed particularly tough and on several occasions I wanted to throw in the towel in that hour alone. Then the rest of the day seemed just as bad. The kids were all over the place (though to be fair my patience was low), the house was covered in little pieces of packing foam (the kids) and I was STARVING all day. Like a bottomless pit. I couldn't focus on anything and even during the classes I teach I was feeling off. I really felt like saying f-it. All I wanted to do was order pizza and put a movie on so that I could sit quietly with my kids and do nothing but eat and cuddle. I really wanted to run away with my backpack and a tent but of course - kids- maybe I can run away just for the weekend?
Of course days like this are important too. There is nothing wrong with having a pizza movie day. Not a thing, I knew though that this would be day one of several like it if I let it happen right now; so I told myself that if I wake up tomorrow and still feel like this I will go ahead and take the day. Then I planned a day like that for Friday. A day where I know I don't have much on the calendar and I know that I can jump right back in to things the day after as I'll have no choice. A day far enough in the future that I'll probably be in a better mood and enjoy it more but close enough that I can sincerely look forward to it when I'm feeling like I need it most.
In these moments of wanting to say f-it this gives me the push I need to get through it. Whether it's a study session, a gym session or just keeping it together while trying to herd cats (read children) I give myself permission to just not, tomorrow.
Rarely in the light of a new day after a good nights sleep do I still feel the same way about things. Most often I have had time to calm down, regroup and remember why I started in the first place and it gets me through another day. Even if halfway there I have to tell myself I can quit tomorrow if need be.